Friday, January 11, 2013

NOT a Hump Day Confessional

So, I had planned on doing a Hump-Day Confessional on Wednesday....unfortunately, I was in 3rd day detox headache GRR! mode.  Yes, you read that right.  I am back on the wagon.  I kept putting it off, thinking of more and more dishes and treats I wanted to have before I jumped back in.  Then, I had a friend from college issue a "Biggest Loser" 12 week challenge and while I was hmm-ing and hawww-ing at the thought of starting something so soon and all the things I still had in the freezer and pantry...all the Christmas candy treats I still hadn't eaten, I knew it was time. There is never going to be a "right time".  There is always going to be some holiday, some event, some excuse why I couldn't start. 
Funny thing is, whenever I would eat one of those dishes or treats that I was stalling over, it was never as good as I remembered it being.  Honestly, that is what I have kept/keep reminding myself of this week when the craving for a cookie, some cake, or some carb-heavy food strikes.

I do have two things to confess today:
~I did gain all the weight back that I had previously lost.  So here I go again, staring over from square one.  When I logged back onto myfitnesspal and saw my old stats, it hit me....if I had only stayed on track, I would be well at my goal weight by now....wearing cute clothes and not dodging pictures at Christmas.
~I am petrified this time.  Last year, I was filled with resolve and determination.  Then the excuses came.  Then the out of control spiral came.  My sister lost a large amount of weight about 5 years ago.  Then she gained it back.  I could never understand how she could have let that happen.   I am scared to death to be one of those people who loses 50-100 pounds only to gain it back.

This week was filled with some pretty terrible headaches, crabby moments, and cravings.  But I got through them.